Mostly because blogging is an afterthought. I used to be a diligent, well-followed blogger a decade ago. I now chalk that up to having no close friends and a schedule that isolated me from everything and everyone.
I used to blog about things that would get people talking, sometimes controversial things. Until I realized how uncomfortable I am with conflict. The internet is really scary place that needs more love and less yelling. So I decided not to be that blogger anymore.
I don’t have an expertise. I’m not a theologian, a doctor, a businessperson, a professional baker. I’d like to think that you don’t need to be an expert in anything to be a blogger, but that’s only true if you’re great at tuning out the internet trolls.
The last time I blogged was at the end of October, which was a very inopportune time to decide that I wanted to participate for the first time in NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) with little preparation. At the time, I had a talented writer mentoring me through my career who not only gave insight into my skill set but somehow seemed to see very clearly into me and my life.
That person has moved away but bestowed some magical parting words that inspired me to finally start writing my novel. So blogging took a backseat to that.
Since I started the novel, my grandparents moved to a nursing home, my grandpa passed away, my department at work has had major changes, and some people I love have some pretty heavy things on their plates. Two weeks in to NaNoWriMo, I quit.
It is what it is. I wasn’t prepared to begin writing for a number of reasons. I spend the majority of my day writing for a living, and sometimes that means I sit down in my home office at night realizing I would prefer not to write another word. Setting the unrealistic goal of a novel in a month was never going to work for me.
Sometimes, as an artist, working for the corporate world makes me feel really bitter. I have this really annoying acquaintance who feels the need to regularly ask where I want to go with my career. I try very hard to be patient and say what they want to hear.
But man, stop asking. I’ll know it when I see it. I’m a firm believer that the balance of all your life activities is what brings you the most joy in your career. A job is just one element in the mobile that needs balancing.
“I want to be an author full-time,” I usually say. In my mind, that seems like the best way to properly balance all of my interests and responsibilities without living by my employer’s lucrative schedule. Just an example, but it’s 11:02 PM, and my brain is fresh and ready to write. But I’m a half hour past when I need to go to bed so that I can write between 8AM and 5PM tomorrow.
Here’s to keeping the creative juices flowing all through the evening so I can keep my health insurance and write my novel (and maybe, eventually quit handing over my art to the corporate agenda).
Convergences of Reverie 